We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Who died my cat blue again?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
