Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
