I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Randomize