I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
