So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
