you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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