We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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