dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
it hurts more in the daytime
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
In other news, I just burned my penis
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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