make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
