i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
