I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
