I think my fart just growled at me.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
