Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
