I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
