All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
