so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
