Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
