yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
