OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
only you would photoshop your dick
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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