I just pynch a tree in the face
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
