i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
