I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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