There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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