last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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