You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
