Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
