i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
