i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
