I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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