Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
