Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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