I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
