apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize