...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
