I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
