My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
