haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize