I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
