Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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