my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize