I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
