two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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