using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
