i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
