Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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