Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
