Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
