I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize