I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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