dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
you made out with another girl for some wings
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
