at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Randomize
