Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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