oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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