This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Randomize
