dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
