we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
We're too hungover to prance.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
