I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
