put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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