I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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