Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
