I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
